Ep. 68 FOMAD (Fear of Making a Decision)

Words That Move Me with Dana Wilson
Ep. 68 FOMAD (Fear of Making a Decision)
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This episode is a response to something I have noticed coming up A LOT lately.  I’m calling it FOMAD (Fear of Making a Decision), but you can call it whatever you’d like.  I created this acronym to address the feeling of immobilization that comes along with thinking: “It’s HARD to choose a path when I don’t know exactly where I’m going and I have so many interesting paths ahead of me!” 

Let’s uncover how having many different interests is a STRENGTH not a weakness, and let’s find the adventure in GOING at our own pace… even if we don’t know exactly where we are going. 

Quick Links:

Join WTMMCOMM Here: https://www.thedanawilson.com/wtmmcomm

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Transcript:

Intro: This is words that move me, the podcast where movers and shakers, like you get the information and inspiration. You need to navigate your creative career with clarity and confidence. I am your host master mover, Dana Wilson. And if you’re someone that loves to learn, laugh and is looking to rewrite the starving artist story, then sit tight. But don’t stop moving because you’re in the right place. 

Dana: All right. All right. Hello, my friend I’m Dana. This is words that move me. I’m stoked that you are here today. This is a fun one. Um, last week we talked about FOMO, fear of missing out, which is of course the anxiety that so many of us experience when we think that we’re missing out on something, good, something cool and exciting and rad. And we aren’t a part of it that is FOMO. And, um, I, I suppose as much of the world comes out of lockdown and some of the world goes back into lockdown. That’s a pretty timely subject. So if you’re feeling that FOMO, or if you’ve ever felt FOMO, go check out last week’s episode. But, um, something else recently slightly related has caught my attention. And, uh, for now I am calling it FOMAD. That is the working title. We might evolve it to something else. FOMAD: the fear of making a decision, I’m calling it FOMAD, and it’s real. It pairs quite well with this moment in time. And honestly, many moments in time. Uh, so lace up and hit the rosin box. I said that hit the rosin box because we’re going to take this new conceptFOMAD for a spin. We’re going to address having many different interests and that being a strength, not a weakness. And we will find the adventure in going and going at your own pace. Even if you don’t know exactly where you’re going. Even if you have no idea where you’re going, we are going, but first wins. If you’re new to the pod every single week, I start the episode with wins because I think it’s important to celebrate. What’s going well, big and small. This week, I’m celebrating well, is it okay if I celebrate two? I’m the host I can. I’m going to celebrate two. Number one win, I am really loving clown school, I mentioned I think two episodes ago, I don’t know. You guys.. They really do blend together. Um, I enrolled in clown school. It’s called the clown school. There’s an online program kind of at your own pace one-on-one feedback every so often. I love it. I’m having an absolute ball. Uh, so that’s win. Number one, shout out the clown school. They didn’t tell me to say that. Win number two, is that I recently got to talk with, uh, a dear friend. I almost said an old friend, but we were both quite young relatively, I guess anyways, a longtime friend. Um, that’s been part of my dance life journey since I was probably nine years old. And I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Uh, lucky for you, by the way, we were rolling on that conversation. So be on the lookout for an upcoming episode with Erika Mori, um, fascinating woman with a very interesting story and some exciting wins of her own that I’m jazzed about sharing. Okay, that’s it for me?  

What is going well in your world,  

Keep it up. You’re doing it really doing it. I’m proud of you. Super stoked for you. Keep winning. All right. Now I have gotten word from many of my students, some coaching clients, my coworkers, um, words that move me community members and friends and family all alike hearing that people have used the lockdown, the quarantine to spend time working on themselves. A lot of soul searching, um, honing in on strengths, strengthening weaknesses, um, focusing on self care, focusing on self love, growing, centering, giving back all of these lovely, lovely things, right until FOMO creeps in or real life, quote unquote comes a knockin. Um, which by the way, I would like to remind you, everybody was asking for everybody was like, why can’t we go back to real life? And now real life is here and we’re like, wait, something’s not right. Um, so somewhere in, in our minds at, or around the time that FOMO sets in or real life comes knocking, we, we start to think that some imaginary gate has been opened and some imaginary starter pistol has been fired and everyone’s off the blocks and running full speed ahead. And you’re like, wait, where am I? What am I doing before I start running? Just, I don’t want to exert any unnecessary energy. Where am I? Where am I going? What am I doing? And do I even want to be running right now? Everybody’s running. Wait, I want to restart, right. Is this sounding familiar? Now it might look like everyone who has their one focus and one desire. And one thing that they wish they’d been doing for all of lockdown, it might look like they’re running full speed ahead, getting closer to their finish line. But what about the rest of us that have many different interests, many different creative callings projects, people, things to tend to, what basket or baskets do we put our eggs into? Oh, drats, just missed Easter. We’re going to leave the basket analogy. Let’s go back to this race thing. What finish line do I run towards? What track do I take? And also, is it bad if I don’t want to be running, I got you, my friends, this episode, we’ll be answering all of those questions. So I’ll use this example. 

One of my words that move me, community members brought up an awesome story and I’d love to share what it uncovered. They talked about being a very goal oriented person in the past and that serving them very well. They studied the people. Who’d accomplished great things. They did interviews, they set goals, they stressed. Then they achieved the goals. And that went pretty much according to plan. But now with much new growth, new perspective, but without having a specific material or hard coded goal, this person is feeling lost. Now they mentioned that in school, they had a professor tell them that people with many passions or skills are often paralyzed to take action because of not knowing which avenue to pursue next. Yeah. That’s why we’re here. And what I would like to offer you today is that the story that people with many passions and skills are being paralyzed to take action because of not knowing which avenue to take that story. That story is exactly that.  

It’s a thought. Just because a professor said it does not mean that it is true. And it certainly, isn’t always true. Always the case for all people, right? Certainly not. And furthermore, it is probably not helping you. So if you’re still reading that story, the one that says people with many interests get paralyzed with not knowing what to do next. If you’re reading that story, I beg of thee, put it down, put that story down. Here’s why I say that. If you hear “people with many passions and skills, get paralyzed to take action because of not knowing which avenue to pursue next.” If you hear those words and you think, “Oh my gosh, yes, that’s happening to me. I’m totally immobilized by all of my interests.” And you’re probably feeling lost or frustrated. And when you feel lost or frustrated, the action that you take is probably more widely inaction, right? You retreat, you have cyclical thoughts, you lack follow through. So on. And so on the result of that, the result of feeling lost, feeling frustrated, because you’re thinking that you’re immobilized by all of your interests. The result there is not only are you immobile, but you’re likely losing interest in all of those wonderful things that used to interest you. All of those things that sparkled to you, you’re letting them dim. You’re likely sparkling a bit less yourself and that’s okay. That’s totally okay. We do not all need to be full voltage, electricity all of the time, but it’s important that you know that there is another option. You don’t need to buy that story. So what if you could choose the thing that your many diverse interests, all of the things that sparkle to you are, what make you sparkle? What if, what if all of those various interests put together are your superpower? What if, what if, all of those unique and varied interests? What if those don’t make it hard for you to decide what to do? What if they help you to enjoy where you are no matter where you go, what if they help you to enjoy where you are? Even when you’re lost? That is the true beauty of having many different interests is that no matter where you are or who you talk to, you can get interested in something. You can make something sparkle. You can sparkle no matter where you are, no matter who you’re talking to. And that is an interesting person. My friend, that is an interesting person with an interesting life. Now I’d much prefer to feel that an interesting person with an interesting life than to feel immobilized and to be losing my shit. So if you’re a person who’s looking for some sort of harmony and balance and shine in your life yet you don’t have a clear material goal, fear not to get there, to achieve that life of harmony of balance of shine. All you have to do is explore you, follow what shines and what sparkles. You try things. You course correct. You trust your gut. You don’t go too fast. You don’t go too slow, but mostly you don’t quit. And in order to do those things right, in order to trust your gut, don’t go too fast. Course-correct all those things in order to do that in order to do that and to not quit, you probably want to feel something like adventurous or open. Or how about, I don’t know if this is an actual, actual technical feeling. Like, I don’t think this is an actual emotion, but I’m going to try it. What about cruising? Like when I feel like I’m cruising, I don’t go too fast. I don’t go too slow. I don’t stop. I course correct. Check my lane, check my mirrors. I follow what’s ahead of me when I’m cruising. That feels good. And to feel like I’m cruising, I might need to think a thought like I am in the driver’s seat. And my drive is the perfect kind of drive. My drive is never over or under.  I am driving and my drive is perfect or this is not a race. This is the ride of my life. And I’m driving a convertible and it can change shape and change route. While I write multi-dimensional thoughts for multi-dimensional people with multiple different interests, this is what I’m talking about. So can you see how I just turned multiple interests and modes and directions and options and things into a strength. I went from feeling lost to feeling adventurous from feeling frustrated, to feeling easy, open cruising. That is powerful. My friends. And it is an option for you.  

Now let’s, let’s stick on this road, car driving analogy thing, because I had another words that move me community friend, come to me this week, struggling to get off the blocks, like trying to get out of the garage off the starting line. Oh man, my analogies are getting weak. Um, so she has also done a lot of work, very impressive work, finding her creative voice, refining her tools. Um, yet she still doesn’t know how to direct her focus out there in the big world. That seems so, so, so much bigger now than it did maybe pre quarantine. And what we discovered in her particular case, and you might relate was that the real problem here was the thought “I can’t crack where I fit in. I I’m, I’m starting to know who I am and what I can do, but I can’t see where I fit in .” Classic. I’ve thought this thought 1000 times. And when I think that thought, I don’t know where I fit in, I feel uncertain. And when I feel uncertain, I procrastinate. I don’t follow through. I engage in self doubt, negative self-talk I retreat. I isolate. Oh, and here’s one of my favorites. I busy myself with mindless tasks that get me nowhere, but keep my mind very busy. They keep me from taking risks from putting my feelers out from initiating new projects in general. My busy-ness keeps me from putting myself forward. I stay right where I am and when I behave that way, right. When I feel uncertain and I do those things and I don’t take risks, I don’t put myself out there. The result of thinking, I don’t know where I fit in is I do not stand out. Hell. I don’t even step out. And when I don’t step out, I’m much less likely to find the places where I feel I truly belong. Right? So the result of thinking, I don’t know where I fit in leads you to not standing out and not finding places where you feel you belong. The spin-off struggle of that as if that wasn’t enough, right? That is so not the dream. The spin-off struggle there is that, so many of us find in this situation, when you, when you don’t know exactly where you fit, right. When you can’t see that crystal clear destination, people find it hard to make moves, right? Hard to leave at all without a clear idea of where you’re going or where you belong. Again. Of course, that makes total sense. It’s hard to get somewhere that you don’t know how to get to because you don’t know the location of it, but there’s always a but, right? What, if you could think that it was fun to not know exactly how things will work out or where you’re going to land.  Think about every time you go to a movie where you don’t know how it will end. If you’re like me, you beg people to not tell you how the movie ends. Like, honestly, raise your hand if you like being surprised. And I don’t mean like the jump out from behind a corner type of surprise. I mean like, what do you want for dinner? I don’t know. Surprise me like that type of surprise. Not knowing is okay. Now hear me out, I get it, I am a huge fan of goal setting, but nobody, even the people with iron clad, crystal clear goals and tools and life coaches and all the things, no one, no one actually knows where they’re going or exactly how to get there. Because humans cannot 100% predict or see the future. None or all of us have any idea where we’re going or how we’re getting there. Some of us just think that we do, and that makes a really, really big difference. So pretend for a second that you do know where you’re going, I’m going on an adventure, right? I’m going on an adventure. And I might start by thinking of a place that I wouldn’t mind ending up. Career-wise that might mean, um, I w I ended up a featured dancer in a film or a soloist for a company or, or, or et cetera, et cetera. I encourage you to fill in that blank for yourself. What is a place that you really wouldn’t mind being a place you would like being now, you get to ask yourself, what do I do to get there? Surely if I am a feature dancer in a film, Is your desired, uh, destination. Then dance training would be on your list of things to do probably exposure and familiarity with casting directors, agents, choreographers, understanding, dance for camera, probably some acting training, possibly voice training, solid materials, like a headshot, a website, resume, et cetera, et cetera. Oh, also being in the right place at the right time. And in order to be in the right place at the right time, time in order for that to happen, you must trust your gut and go with the flow and you must leave the cave. You have to get out of the bubble, get out from the inside. And of course you must not quit. Even when you don’t know exactly what you’re doing, you must not  

quit. I know that kind of sounds like a lot, especially for somebody who previously didn’t know what to do. And now you’re like, Oh my goodness, all of these things, I know what to do now. You’re like, Oh my goodness. It turns out I know a lot of things that I could possibly do, or a lot of different route routes, routes, routes that I could take to end up at this destination. That wouldn’t be so bad. Okay, cool. So you leave, you go, you don’t quit. And one of the things that’s tremendously helpful in doing that is a feeling, how would you need to feel in order to train, expose yourself to agents, directors, choreographers, understand dance for camera, take some acting classes, take some voice classes, get your materials all solid together. Um, stay the course, right. Be in the right place, be in the right time, trust yourself. How do you need to feel in order to do those things? How do you need to feel in order to not quit? For me? I think optimistic would help. I think determined would help. I think excited might help, but it might burn out. So I, I really do prefer determined or optimistic really when I think like, Oh, absolutely, yeah, this is going to work. Or this is going to be fun or, Ooh, that’s going to be great when I feel optimistic. I think I do. I take a lot of those actions that I just mentioned. Oh. And I don’t quit because I’m thinking of how of how great this could turn out. One of the thoughts that helps me feel optimistic is I love adventures or a new, personal favorite of mine that I found as a meme recently. And will 100% be sharing with you in the show notes is ‘chances are slim. Hopes are low, but I live for the gamble. So let’s see how it goes.’ Um, and this, this photo of a cat jumping over flames, it’s not a photo, it’s an illustration. And I love it. Chances are slim hopes are low, but I live for the gamble. So let’s see how this goes. Um, I suppose, with a gamble involved, that thought doesn’t have me feeling optimistic per se, but adventurous for sure. Okay. So we just remembered that it’s not actually hard to go when you don’t know where you’re going. You’re just not thinking that it’s fun yet. Right? Remember all the times that not knowing exactly what’s going to happen is fun is exciting. And remind yourself that that’s life you won’t always know. In fact, you will never know. Even people who pretend to know don’t really know, raise his hand silently in podcast booth. Alright. So the next time you’re feeling stuck, lost uncertain of where to put your efforts or unable to decide, simply decide that having a lot of interests or options does not immobilize you thinking, I don’t know where to go or how fast to go.  There does immobilize. You decide that this creative life is not about fitting in, decide to stand out and decide to step out, knowing that no matter where you think you’re going, you have no idea how you’ll actually get there. And that’s okay. Nobody does. Which reminds me any expert that you talk to about their journey. Any, any person that’s quote made it there. They’re talking about their journey in retrospect. So of course their route looks clear. Of course it looks like they know exactly what they did to arrive where they are, because they’ve already done it, but they likely are not telling you about all the dead ends and the flat tires, et cetera, et cetera. Remember driver’s seat. You got this. Learn how to fix flats with your mind. Okay. Enough with the car analogy. I think I need to move on.  

Listen, Super duper, shout out to my words that moved me, community members for bringing these topics forward for coaching. I know you are not alone. I know that I have struggled with this in the past. And depending on the day, my friends, you might find me coaching myself into the driver’s seat right there with you. Um, so thank you words that move me members. And if you’re relating to these topics, if you’re digging what you’re hearing and you aren’t already a member head over to theDanawilson.com and click on the membership tab, I would love to see you in the words that move me community and work with you, uh, along this journey on becoming a person who is not afraid of making decisions. Yes, I will help you tackle that FOMAD and maybe rename it. I don’t know if I’m FOMAD fan. I think I like the nomadic nature. I’m not sold. Give me your feedback FOMAD is on the table. Um, thank you all so much for listening. I hope you found this episode useful and I hope that you head out there into the world and keep it super funky. I’ll talk to you later.  

Me again. Wondering if you ever noticed that one more time. Almost never means one more time. Well, here on the podcast, one more thing actually means two more things. Number one thing. If you’re digging the pod, if these words are moving you, please don’t forget to download, subscribe and leave a rating or review because your words move me too. Number two things I make more than weekly podcasts. So please visit thedanawilson.com for links to free workshops. And so, so much more. All right, that’s it now for real talk to you soon. Bye. 

Ep. #67 FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

Words That Move Me with Dana Wilson
Ep. #67 FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
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This one is touchy my friends, and I’ve been getting smoke signals from near and far to do a podcast on this topic. FOMO is REAL… but it is not tremendously useful… This episode is full of ways to turn it into something that IS!

Quick Links:

Register for April 14ths FREE Coaching Call here: https://www.thedanawilson.com/registrationform

Transcript:

Intro: This is words that move me, the podcast where movers and shakers, like you get the information and inspiration. You need to navigate your creative career with clarity and confidence. I am your host master mover, Dana Wilson. And if you’re someone that loves to learn, laugh and is looking to rewrite the starving artist story, then sit tight, but don’t stop moving because you’re in the right place.  

Dana: Hello, Hello, my friend. And welcome. I’m Dana. This is words that move me. And this is a fun one. This is a fun one. That is about a, not so fun topic. Um, but, but while we’re on the subject of fun topics, can we really quickly discuss the last four episodes, which were the money March episodes? How awesome was that? If you haven’t had a chance to listen, please go back and give March Madness. That’s not what it’s called Money March. Give that a listen. Um, also if you’re, if you’re digging the podcast specifically, if you dug into money March, those, those four episodes check out the, um, words that move me worksheets. They are like companion guide, interactive PDF jams that are made for every single episode, but we’re selling the money March bundle. Whoa, excuse you. Out there. Even in my podcast booth, we were not completely isolated from sound.  Sorry about that. If you could hear that, or even if you couldn’t, sorry about that. We’re back money. March PDFs are on sale at thedanawilson.com/shop And they’re only $4.99. That’s four episodes worth of interactive worksheet for less than a coffee, less than less than a pack of gum. I think less than a Hey, I’ll tell you what $4.99 is less than that is less than $5. And that is not the only good news I have for you today. Um, on April 14th, 2021, I’ll be hosting a free career coaching zoom call from 4:00 PM to 5:15 PM Pacific standard time. Um, God, everybody is making noises today. Sorry about that. Beep you know what? I’m not sorry about that. Beep I have the option to find whatever it is that’s making that be being sound. And I, I have not actively done that. Um, every time I’m in here recording an episode, something beeps at least once.  And I have no idea what it is and I could just set aside some time to figure that out. And I don’t, I think I, I think I secretly like it anyways, April 14th, put it on your calendar, a free career coaching zoom call from 4-5:15 Pacific. Um, I’ll be explaining some of the key concepts and the tools that I use to navigate my own daily, creative life. And you will have an opportunity to actually get coaching on anything that you’d like, honestly, almost nothing is off limits. Um, it’s going to be so good. I’m excited. 

Okay. FOMO, let’s talk about it. After we talk about wins of course, I am so excited to announce my win today. So loud. What kind of day are we having? Okay, so this one’s kind of twisted, but today I am celebrating that I’ve had a couple of really exciting projects, not pan out. Like you think it’s going to happen and you’re pretty sure it’s going to happen. And then it doesn’t happen. That’s happened to me a couple of times. Um, so far this year, like a few times actually in the past month and I’m celebrating that I don’t feel this doom. Like I’m not absolutely destroyed by that. Um, as I have been in the past and I feel like perhaps the year of quarantine helped me with that, um, I discovered that not working sometimes is not the worst thing. So I’m, I’m definitely celebrating this, uh, um, kind of acceptance of not all of the things will work out all of the time. And I love that feeling because man, the doom, the destruction, the, the disaster that I decided to have every time a gig didn’t work out well. Um, so I’m just celebrating that that is, it’s a strange win, but I promise you it’s an important win. 

So I’m stating it, proclaiming it, and owning it and celebrating it here. When you think now is your turn, what’s going well in your world.  

Congratulations. I’m thrilled for you. Keep winning. That’s it actually just keep going and wins will happen. Keep going. All right. Speaking of keep going our world, as it seems is turning back on, waking back up, opening back up, there are a lot of different things that people are saying about the world right now. We’re coming out of the pandemic. I think, uh, just in, in one or two weeks, um, vaccines will be available to all adults in Los Angeles where I am. This is very exciting. Um, but today we’re talking about very specifically something that I’ve noticed happening with my friends. Um, even some family members as the world is fill in the blank, speeding back up, opening up, whatever. Um, as that’s happening, I’m noticing a lot of reports of FOMO, fear of missing out. Um, so today we’re going to talk about what that is and how you might manage it forever, but especially in a time like this, all right, FOMO, what is it fear of missing out is the anxiety that’s resulting from thinking that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening somewhere else other than where you are and it’s happening without you? Um, I think FOMO really stems from the, the social media age where a post, a certain image or video where you get to see a carefully curated, edited, and probably adjusted best of type of moment from other people’s lives, which will likely trigger an immediate comparison between you and your real life that you’re living in that moment. As you scroll through your phone, which is probably not as exciting as the moment that you’re looking at, you see where this is headed. Now I do think it’s interesting. I want to point out that FOMO can happen  at any time, not just when someone is doing something awesome. And you happen to be scrolling on your phone. Um, I, 100% dealt with FOMO on my first world tour with JT. I was freshly 20 years old. I turned 21 on the road and I had this classic like want to be everywhere, want to know everyone want to feel all the things want to, you know, not miss out on anything. And with that, um, I established some pretty unhealthy sleeping habits, uh, on the tour bus where you’re living with 11 other people. Um, I made it a habit, me and my FOMO of going to sleep after the last person went to sleep and waking up as soon as I heard any noises. Like I went to sleep when the last person went to sleep and I woke up when the first person woke up because I was afraid of missing something. I wanted to be around for all of it. I wanted to hear it all and see it all and learn it all and be in all the places. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but it did lead to some pretty unhealthy sleep habits. Um, probably some unhealthy eating habits too. Now that I think back about it, it was eating like fully around the clock. Okay. So that’s what FOMO is. Okay. The anxiety or the actual fear of missing something exciting or interesting. 

If I were to put it another way, however, fear of missing out or FOMO is actually almost useless, unless of course that feeling that fear or that anxiety gets you up off your bum and doing something awesome or simply remembering that you are awesome. Even as you sit and scroll. Now, FOMO doesn’t happen a whole lot for me anymore. Um, not because I live the most awesome life, but because I like my life, I like my home. I like my work. I like being with myself. But when FOMO does strike, there are some things that I like to remember. Some, some thoughts that I like to think that helped me out and they might help you as well. First, I like to remember that you can have fun and you can be fun. And I am both. Also, I like to remember that there is enough fun in the world for everyone to have some there’s enough success in the world for everyone to have some. I also like to remember that doing stuff is not a finite resource. Other people can do stuff. I can do stuff. You can do stuff. Everybody can always be doing stuff and there’s still more stuff to be done. Isn’t that amazing? Doing stuff is not a finite resource. 

Another one that I like to think. And it’s very, very important. Especially in that moment. I am deeply loved. Right, in the moment when you’re comparing your life with someone else’s I’m deeply loved might not be the first thought to come to your mind, but it is one of the most helpful. I am deeply loved. This next one is one of my favorites. Very philosophical argument here, suffering because other people are not suffering makes no sense. Me suffering because someone else isn’t suffering makes no sense. That’s not the life I want to live. I don’t want to suffer when other people do well. I want to celebrate when other do people, Whoa. When other do people do well, I want to celebrate when other people do well, that’s the type of person I want to be. And that’s the world that I want to live in. Shout out wins. See what I’m saying? All right. And this last one, I also really, really love what you do does not make you happy. What you think does. What you do does not make you happy, what you think does. And I like this one because it works on two levels. You get to think about that, that person living that picture, perfect life on social media. And remember they might not actually be happy. That place, that they are might not be better than the place that you are, the way they are feeling might not be actually better than the way that you are feeling. So again, any combination of these thoughts, you can have fun and you can be fun and you can be both. There’s enough fun in the world for everyone to have some. There’s enough success in the world for everyone to have some. Doing stuff is not a finite resource. I am deeply loved. You are deeply loved. I mean the loudest day today, it’s I think that that car horn was just co-signing that sentiment. Suffering because other people are not suffering makes no sense. And what you do, doesn’t make you happy. What you think does. 

So let’s do a little, a little practical application here. Let’s imagine that you’re scrolling through Instagram and you see a friend of yours or an acquaintance, a person that you follow has posted a hashtag #setselfie because they are hashtag #bookedandblessed. And you’ve got thoughts about it. Um, probably a lot of thoughts about it in that one moment you might think, ‘Oh, it’s so tacky. Really? You’re just gonna rub it in my face that you’re you have a job and I don’t,’ or you might think ‘dammit, I really, I just can’t catch a break’ or you might fully think ‘that should be me, why isn’t that me?’ But for the sake of this discussion about FOMO, let’s just say that you think in that moment, ‘damn, I really want to be doing cool gigs and I’m not here. I sit not onset’ or hell you might even be on set, but there will always be someone on a cooler set or show or with a cooler outfit or in a cooler living room or whatever. So now here is what is important to remember someone, some other person could look at that exact same photo and think, Oh my God, yes. Good for her. Oh, she totally deserves it. So cool. Or someone, someone might look at it and think, Oh no, they’re not wearing a mask. What an idiot. Right? So many thoughts are available to you in that moment. And you’re choosing the thought that you’re thinking your brain pitched it to you and you catch it.  And if you believe it, you hold on to it for awhile. And sometimes you hold onto it for a very long time. Now, when you hold onto a thought, like, I really want to be doing cool gigs and I’m not, you might feel illegitimate or discouraged or hopeless or angry, all valid, totally valid. When I hold a thought like that, when I hold, like I should be doing something and I’m not, I usually feel frustrated just straight up frustrated or fed up. And when I feel frustrated, my typical response is to beat myself up by showing me evidence against myself. Um, I literally ground myself in that moment. I stopped moving. I stopped being active. I probably sit and keep scrolling or try to distract myself with some other mindless and meaningless task. And the result of all that action and inaction is that I don’t do cool work.  

What in the heck. When I think I’m not doing cool work, I feel awful. And when I feel awful, I don’t do cool work. Imagine that. Okay. What I really want to underline here is that the person’s photo or even the fact that the other person is on a job and you are on your couch. Like, even if those are the facts of the situation, that’s not, what’s making you feel awful. It’s what you think about that photo, that person and yourself that’s making you feel awful. So let’s manage our minds, shall we? Let’s say that instead of choosing, I should be doing cool work and I’m not. I decided to buy a different thought. Let’s say I decide to buy the thought that my coolest gig yet is right around the corner. And I damn well better be ready for it. Like my coolest gig ever right around the corner. It’s in the neighborhood. I better be ready. Have you ever, actually, this is a great example. Have you ever had a friend or maybe even a potential boo, like a potential romantic partner. Have you ever had that person hit you up and say, yo, I’m in your area? Do you mind if I swing by?  And you’re like, ***** Oh my God, my place is mess. But you don’t say that. You’re like, Oh yeah, of course. Totally. Because you’re very into this person coming over. So then you hang up the phone and you spring into action, like a madman or like, um, um, is it quick silver from X-Men AKA the fastest man alive anyways, all of a sudden you’re moving at like mach speed and you’ve done more in 10 minutes than you’ve done all day. Just because your friend was like, I’m in the neighborhood. Do you mind if I stop by you like take a shower, do your makeup, clean your house in 10 minutes. That feeling I’m going to, I’m going to call it propelled. Your gig is in your neighborhood. Your gig is your potential boo or your friend. That’s calling you up to say I’m around the corner. So hang up and get ready. When I think my coolest gig yet is right around the corner. I feel propelled. I spring to action. I organize my space, my materials, my body, I train. I work on myself. And as a result, I am ready for that gig. Can you see what a dramatic distinction that is? Thinking my gig is close and I better be ready, helps me to become ready. Speaking of which super shout out to episode 9 with Jason Bonner, where we talk about how, if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready. Classic words of wisdom. 

So you get to choose a thought like I should be doing cool gigs. And I’m not which lands you with not doing cool gigs or a thought like, woo hoo my gig is in the neighborhood, literally around the corner. This photo is proof. This photo, by the way, I’m looking at imaginary Instagram at someone else succeeding. This is proof that great gigs and success is literally in my neighborhood. It is out there. It is available to people. I want to invite it in. I better be ready. And a thought like that helps me to become ready. Now, this is just one example of how dramatically different the results are when you make a simple shift in your mindset. So my final thoughts, keep your wits about you. As the world, quote opens back up, you will certainly be having a lot of thoughts about what other people are doing and how they’re doing it and how they should be doing it and how you should be doing things and what you should be doing. And because you’re the only person that you can actually control. I encourage you to do that. 

Control yourself, manage your mind, watch over the thoughts that you pitch yourself. Get really curious about the ones that you catch. How does holding onto that thought make you feel? How does that make you act? What results does that leave you with? Is there any other thought available, one that you can actually believe that can land you with a desired result? Get curious, do not get FOMO.  That is what I have to offer you today. My friend Short, sweet and simple, but not easy. It really does require quite a bit of awareness to make those shifts in the way that you’re thinking, but it’s worth it because the way that you are living will be dramatically improved with just a touch of curiosity and awareness over the way you’re thinking. All right? So you’ve marked your calendars, April 14th. It’s going to be incredible live career coaching, zoom call, bring the good stuff again. I’m going to share some of my favorite tips and tricks, but this session is really about you coming in, getting what you need. Hopefully that is clarity and confidence. I’ve got it by the boatload. All right, everybody. I really, I think that’s it. Yes. There’s enough success out there for all of us to have some there’s enough fun out there for all of us to have some you are deeply loved and if you’re doing it right, you are also deeply funky. Thanks for being here. Everybody have a great rest of your day, night, week, month, all of it. And of course, keep it funky. I’ll talk to you soon.

Me again. Wondering if you ever noticed that one more time. Almost never means one more time. Well, here on the podcast, one more thing actually means two more things. Number one thing. If you’re digging the pod, if these words are moving you, please don’t forget to download, subscribe and leave a rating or review because your words move me too! Number two things I make more than weekly podcasts. So please visit thedanawilson.com for links to free workshops. And so, so much more. All right, that’s it now for real talk to you soon. Bye.